It has been a tough week. I am finally feeling like myself. Wednesday's mini break down slipped into Thursday and I just felt paranoid, anxious, and felt like I was worthless. There was no fun to be had by all. There was a saying in my house and I am sure was said in many houses. "If momma ain't happy, nobody is happy." That was the truth this week. With me not being able control my emotions the stress that has been building up in our family kinda exploded. Ozzie was having a bad day, the kids were just upset and they didn't know why. It is interesting (scary interesting) to see how much Ozzie and I influence each other. But I shouldn't be surprised, I mean, we have been together for over 9 years.
I am sane today. I feel good again today. I don't know if the manic emotions were a side effect from the meds or not. I hope not. I have an email in with my N.P. so she can back to me on that.
So today I have been trying to replay the last 2 days so I can try to figure out what may have set it off. I can't say for sure but I think it has something to do with me feeling like I disappointed someone I considered a good friends. One of the many things I want to work through in therapy is how I seem to have picked up the urge/need to be a people please-er. I never used to have trouble with telling people to sod off. I have always been quite blunt. My sister says I was born without the subtly gene. I guess it is just another piece of myself I have lost.
Luckily, Ozzie and I have some amazing friends. One of which was able to come and talk with us yesterday. He was able to calm our hearts and make us smile. Like I wrote earlier, things seemed to pile up and kinda exploded. He gave us some friendly and welcomed advice and helped us to feel that we are not alone in our struggles. He was very understanding and I have been able to feel much better about some of the things we are dealing with.
Not only do I have great friends who have given me wonderful support with my blog and my life, but I have amazing family as well. My family has been very understanding and supportive. I sometimes wish we lived less than 18 hours away. Yesterday would have been a good day to curl up in the comfort of my sisters, mother and sister-in-law.
There are may things I do not post about on this blog. Somethings are too personal and private to share on a public blog. But they have a heavy impact on my mental wellness.
In the future, be kind to people. Even if you have heard things about them that you may be shocked to hear. If it is not directly against you and yours, try to not treat them as a leper. You and I do not know and may not be able to comprehend what things caused them to do what ever it is you have heard. Everybody has a past. Everybody makes mistakes. We are not judges.
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