Insomnia. Defined as the inability to sleep. For me it is the inability to get to sleep. Once I am there, I am good. But if this is the extent of the side effects I experience while on medication, I think I can handle it. They say it takes 6-8 weeks to get a full understanding of how anti-depression medication effects a person. I mentioned in my last post, I think, how when choosing an anti-depressant you choose what side effects you are willing to deal with.
My N.P. suggested Melatonin to combat the sleeplessness. Sadly, my local store does not carry any. One of the many joys of living in a small town of 1400. I will have to go to my nearest "big town" to find it.
I had so many ideas about what I could write while I was lying in my bed last night. Now they are gone. All except one. Medication alone definitely does not solve all. You need to make sure you take time for you.
I am a stay at home mom. So I am around my children 24/7. Don't me wrong. I love my family. I just miss having my own time to do what I want once in a while. Even in writing this post I have stopped numerous times to tend to a child or to have my child have a conversation with me. Normally, like today, that would not be anything more than a slight delay in what I am doing. But somedays It feels like my children are the most selfish creatures in the world. I could be in tears trying to get things accomplished and my children will still be crying about an imagined hurt or demanding a drink. I, in my sane mind, know that they are just children. Not really selfish or mean, just reacting to the world around them. But that doesn't help me during my low times.
Yesterday was a low day. Even with the medication. I tried to attend a full service of church. I am LDS and typically we have 3 hours of church. I was going at it without my husband. He had an auto cross event that he had been planning to attend for the past few weeks. So I am taking my speech delayed, almost 4 year old and my mouthy 5 year old to church alone. On a good day, it would have been no problem. But yesterday was not a good day. My son would not stop sighing and complaining about how "this is taking a long time." His sister wouldn't stop trying to claim the entire pew for herself and complaining with a shrill scream when he dared to try to sit down. This happened all while they complained they were hungry. It was all just too much for me. I ended up not being able to stand the commotion and left after only 45 minutes of church. My dear friend did what she could to help me while wrangling her own children. The granola bars were much appreciated.
While in the car, after an amazing break of the crying and complaining, we go to my husbands event. The kids loved watching the cars and I met a new friend face to face. During that time, with the kids preoccupied and a welcomed adult conversation, it was pleasantly calm. The cars races, the kids squealed, and it was a good time had by all. But it was not to last.
One the way home we stopped to get some much needed noms. The kids got chicken nuggets and I decided I deserved some dunkin donuts. I should have skipped the donuts. Little did I know that they would be the cause of so much yelling. My daughter started to scream. Heaven forbid her brother have any of the nuggets. It was pandelerium. Let us just say that the drive home was almost too much for me. I ended the day with a migraine that, blissfully, Ozzie let me hide in the darkness of my room and he took care of the kids when he got home.
The long and short of this post is to find and take time for yourself. I already claimed some "me" time this Saturday as well as turning over bedtime to Ozzie. And today I went and spent some time with my dear friend. Her kids kept my kids occupied to where I was able to have adult interaction that was sorely needed.
Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with my husband. I want to spend more time with him as he is very busy. But sometimes I just want to be Anne. Not wifey. Spending time with my friend allowed that and I am ever grateful for her.
I also found some neat white noise videos for meditation. I hope to try them out soon and I will post how I think they worked and maybe post links.
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