Monday Monday

Monday Monday

The Mamas and The Papas knew what they were singing about.  Mondays are hard.

It was a full weekend of cleaning and getting rid of some things.  And Vomit.  Let us not forget vomit.  One of my kids was sick yesterday morning.  Nothing wakes you up in the morning quicker than hearing your child make those lovely (eewww) gagging noises.  Not wanting to share what she might have had, still no idea, we stayed home from church.  I found myself missing it though.

I used to enjoy going to church.  But lately, the kids have been clingy or tired or hungry, bottomless pits and I have been having a hard time getting anything out of church other than frustration.  I know this stage with pass but it doesn't help with the right now.

It was also a weekend for hard thoughts.  After much thought I have decided that I cannot start to home school Griff this year.  I will only have been on antidepressants for 3 months and I will have just barely started therapy.  I don't think it would be fair to him to expect me to teach him while I am still learning to be myself again.  I think if I were to try to home school while I am still this anxious, sad, and depressed mess I would be doing more harm than good.  I want the kids to love learning and I don't think I can help culture that if I am still struggling.  So I am giving myself a year at least get a good way down the path to a better mental health.

Do I think or expect myself to be "cured" or not depressed in a year?  No.  That would be unrealistic and put unhealthy pressure on myself.  I want to do what is needed to ensure that I am giving myself time to heal.  In another year I hope to have learned different ways to handle my low days and not let it have such a controlling impact on my day to day life.  You cannot rush healing.  No matter how hard we may want to .  I don't know how long it may take for me to find myself again.

I am still waiting for a response from my N.P. about my reaction last week.

Last night I was up until about 3 AM.  At around 1:30 I decided to do something since I was awake anyway.  I got on my stationary bike and did about 9 miles in 30 minutes,  I think I over did it as my knees are killing me today.  Not to mention I am completely tired.

The sleepiness is a bit of a vicious circle.  I had was sleepy yesterday and had a caffeinated soda yesterday afternoon.  I thought  the caffeine would have run itself out of my system before bed.  Nope.  Did I mention that I am highly sensitive to caffeine?  I gave up caffeinated and carbonated drinks over a year ago but every once in a while, when there are no other options when we go out, I have a soda.  So this morning after getting only about 4 hours of sleep, I decided to have an energy drink.

Big mistake.  Taking into account my sensitivity to caffeine and mix it with the reaction it has with my medication,  I am not in a good place today.  Caffeine and bupropion do not mix well.  At least for me they do not.  After some googling, I came across a nifty website that gives information about how different substances interact with different medications.  I guess caffeine can make the side effects of my medication worse.  Pounding heart.  Check.  Irritability.  Check.  Trouble sleeping.  Double and triple check.  Now I have a great reason to get back on the no caffeine track.

Moral of the story is to always check and double check to make sure how mixing different drugs, yes caffeine is a drug, can have on you.  Best of luck.