HeAt WaVe

It is blooming hot.  I don't mind the heat if it is just heat.  But this 80-90% humidity is horrid.  To make things worse, I have some blueberries that are begging to be made into muffins but it is far to hot to even think about turning on the oven.  Our one window unit has been running nonstop and I am not looking forward to this next electric bill.  But this heat wave won't last forever.  All too soon it will start getting cool and we will be in my favorite season.  Autumn.  Ah, Autumn.  When the world is colorful and the air is crisp and fresh like an apple.

This week has been, well, neutral.  Monday I was anxious, as proven by what I had written.  I wasn't until I was getting ready for bed that I realized that I had forgotten to take my medication that morning.  It startled me to see how dependent I had already become to my medication.    I guess it also go's to show how much I actually needed them to have a somewhat normal life.  Ozzie and I noticed that if I forget to take my medication right away in the morning, say I remember to take it at lunch , I still get anxious and have a bad day.  While I am not nearly having as many really bad, can't get out of bed, wonder why I bother trouble the world with my issues, days.  I have been having a large number of just bad, why does the world hate me, can't trust anyone around me, days.  My thoughts were/are that I do not have enough medication in my system to correct the chemical imbalance to achieve a consistent flow of good to not so bad days.  I know that bad days happen but they shouldn't happen multiple times a week.

I spoke with my N.P., who by the way is great at making me feel like I am not overreacting and silly.  I told her my concerns as well as informed her about what had been happening with my friend.  Who is doing well by the way.  We both decided that increasing my medication would be a benefit to me.  I still have about 6 weeks until I start therapy, which I am eagerly waiting.  I want to be able to enjoy my enjoy my time with my family.  I don't want to be a wet blanket for them or for my friends.  My anxiety and paranoia on my bad days are trying to slowly destroy any relationships I have outside of my house.  If I let it continue it could potentially destroy my home.

So I will be increasing my medication intake.  Hopefully, this will further balance my moods.  I need to give a big shout out to my insurance.  I am very lucky to have a great supplemental insurance.  It allows me to get to the doctor and get the help I need to not be crazy.  I just found out that as long as I use their prescriptions by mail program, it doesn't cost me anything to get the medications I need,  I am so thankful!  I know there are other programs like this that are available in other areas, so if you need help paying for medications or assistance, please ask your doctor.

I was able to spend some time with a good friend yesterday.  It was nice to have time for adult conversation.  She is also working on getting healthier by eating better and working out.  She sounded so upbeat and optimistic that I couldn't help but be infected with it.  I want to get better at working out and eating better, too!  And her kids are awesome.  

I wish it was cool enough for me to do some baking.  Heck, I wish it was nice enough to go outside without melting.  I am also not feeling my blue hair anymore.  I am thinking black or purple.  Who knows.  Stay cool out there.