The Holidays are over and live had returned to a our normal chaos. School, work, not burning down the house. You know, everyday stuff. Well, let me go back to the beginning of December.
My daughter, I am sure I have mentioned, is both speech delayed and has sensory issues. She has various special doctors and therapists that work with her and me to try to help her learn to express herself and understand others. We went to see her Child Development doctor at the beginning of December. She is progressing well. The doctor is happy with her progress. Then I mentioned how insurance and public education are making it difficult for her to get the therapies she need.
Let me delve into that a little more. My insurance does not see occupational therapy as medically necessary even though her sensory issues are stating to keep her from accepting new foods, therefore she has a very self imposed, strict diet. The school also sees no need to try to provide occupational therapy for the same reason. My insurance is also moaning and groaning about her need for private speech therapy. Whilst at the same time, the school isn't able to provide her with the intense, one on one, therapy that have been pivotal to the progress she has made. The school is also unhappy that she receives private therapy and has actually fought to have it discontinued. I digress.
So as I spoke with her doctor about our struggles the doctor gave me a long look. She said she thinks it is finally time to get my daughter an actual diagnosis. This would ensure her ability to get the therapies she needs Her doctor also mentioned how if my child were to stop receiving these therapies, the likelihood of her regressing is extremely high. The skills she needs are like muscles. If you stop training, the muscles return to their weakened state. The doctor gave me a referral to a local private company to do a thorough examination to diagnose my child with Autism.
I knew this was coming. I thought I was prepared for it. Children grow out of Autism everyday with the right therapies and education. This doesn't have to be a lifetime struggle. I made the appointment with the Wisconsin Early Autism Project, WEAP. This last week we had our answer. I got the diagnosis I needed to help my daughter get the therapies and help she needs. I got the answer I feared, avoided, needed, and hated.
My sweet little girl has been diagnosed with Mild to Moderate Autism.
The back of my mind is crying. Screaming, "Why can't my child be normal?" But I love her no matter what. She is my little demon. Sent to test and challenge me. This is her normal. She is a happy child. And I can't ask for much more. I just need to fight hard for her. I can't let her become another statistic. If I try hard enough I can get through anything.
But here is the thing. While WEAP has a wonderful program, so does SPOTS. I have a magnitude of information at my fingertips. I am trying not read EVERYTHING on Google. I am trying to not take it to heart. But I haven't a clue on where to go from here. I have reached out to her therapist and plan on going over everything with them. I am weary of telling the school because they have only treated her like a paycheck and a way to get funding. What else am I supposed to do? What programs are available to me? How can I afford to take her to these programs?
Questions and whispers swirl in my head. Fear and worry sit on me like large stones. Questions: "How do I do this? What do I do?" Whispers: "People are going to treat her different now. They will treat her like she is defective." Fear: "I won't be able to get her what she needs. I don't know what needs doing." Worry: "They are going to pigeon hole her at school and force her to be the stereotypical Autistic child. What will other kids or people think if my family now?"
These past 6-7 months have been topsy turvy with my depression. While that is under control with the help of medication, this adds to it. I have control issues and this is something I can't even begin to try to control. It makes me feel worthless and powerless.
I know this is but a small bump compared to what others have faced. I am grateful that the diagnosis is light compared to what it could be. I am glad that this is something that we can work through to make her life more normal and fulfilling. But just because the snake that bit you isn't poisonous doesn't mean the bite doesn't hurt.
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