My road I walk

If you know me, you know that I am blunt.  I don't dance around the point to anything.  Let me just get this out of the way.

I don't like Trump.  I dislike Hillary Clinton more.  I think Bernie Sanders is too pathetic to take seriously.  I wanted Ron Paul to be my president.

Phew.  Now that that is out of the way I can get along with my writings.  The rest of my post has nothing to do with politics.

I got a job last week.  An actual, legitimate work from home job.  I haven't held a job other than Mom for almost 6 years.  This whole experience is a lovely mix of excitement and nerves.  I don't plan on this being a long term thing.  Maybe a year or two.  Depends on how I enjoy it and the needs of the family. The plan is to help my amazing husband pay down some of our bills so we can better live on one income.  We can do it now, but there are extras that I want to save for that is not possible to do right now.

I wanna go on an actual vacation.  Hawaii, Japan, Italy.  Heck even Las Vegas sounds fun.  I want To be able to visit my family in Wyoming for Christmas this year.  I want to be able to go to the store in the middle of the week and not worry about putting too much into my cart.  Small things, like not having to have a heart attack every time a bill comes in the mail.  I know I will not be able to get rich with this job.  But I know I can take over the mortgage payment with what I make in a month.  One less thing for my hubby to worry about.

My husband does so much for me.  He works so hard during the week for me and the kids.  We have a great house, food, and are comfortable because of his drive and hard work.  Thank you, my love.

The therapy situation with my daughter has several interesting turns.  The program I hoped to get her into does not have any openings until August.  With my new work schedule her current therapists and I are trying to find the best time to have her therapies.  They are being very helpful and understanding with everything.  We will work it out.  I haven't told the school about her diagnosis.  I don't like my school district.  I feel that they would just use her diagnosis as a way to collect more money without putting in more effort.  That is what I believe they are currently with just an IEP.

Sadly, with this new job, I will not be able to continue my therapy.  I know I still need it.  But until all the bumps are worked out with my work schedule, the kids schedule, and therapies, I don't think I can commit to a time to see the therapist.  I don't like making time commitments I cannot keep.

I messaged a person I used to consider a friend in the last few weeks.  It is truly awkward.  I don't know how much to share, what to ask, or really how much of myself to put into it.  She is a great lady.  I just am not too trusting with very personal input right now.  Yeah, I know.  I have a blog.  But I don't put anything in this blog that I am not comfortable with a complete stranger knowing.  I still have much I do not share with the Internet.  Anyway,  I have no idea how to proceed with this person.  I don't want to get hurt like that again or potentially hurt someone in turn.

I am walking carefully ahead.  I am not as trusting as I once was.  I am trying to focus on myself and my family.  Because, while I love my friends, my family is the most important thing in my world.  They are the entirety of my world.  And I need to take care of myself so I can be the best I can for them.

This was a very random rant of a post.  No true plot or point.  Structured Chaos.  That is my life.  I kinda like it that way.  When things are predictable, I tend to feel like I am in a cage.  I feel like I am not in control of my life.  Funny how a small amount of chaos makes me feel like I am in control.