What if I told you?

Secrets.  Life is full of them.  The ones we keep from outsiders.  The ones we keep from family.  The ones we keep from our spouses.  And finally, the ones we keep from ourselves.  There are so many different kinds of secrets.  I was once told that secrets are lies by omission.  That not sharing EVERY SINGLE THING is a lie.  I am blunt.  I am not subtle.  But I don't think everyone wants to hear what is going on inside my head.  It would shock, disgust, offend, entertain, and confuse you.  It does the  same to me.  Ozzie won't even listen to my dreams anymore because he says they are too strange.

This weekend was full of so much crazy.  We had a wedding and a birthday party on Saturday.  Luckily the kids had an overnight babysitter again and Ozzie and I were able to play adults for a little bit.  The wedding was interesting.  It is Wisconsin so there was a LOT of alcohol there.  One gent was so far into the bottle by the time we got there, he decided he would water the grass in front of everyone.  NO WARNING!  The men laughed, the ladies cringed.  It was crazy.  The bride looked absolutely radiant and beautiful.  The groom looked stressed and not happy with the commotion.

The birthday party before the wedding was a lot of fun.  It was nice to hang out with friends who have kids.  The understanding of a messy house and happy screams makes you think you are less crazy.  The family of our friends are great fun, too.  I am glad I got to meet them.  After the wedding we visited a friend in town and had a late night full of fried cheese curds and root beer.  We didn't make it back home until 2:30 AM.

It seems the increased meds are doing well for me.  I am fighting off a little insomnia again.  But I am sure that it will pass as I get used to the new dose.  I am having insomnia but I am very tired as well.  My body wants to sleep and my brain won't stop running.   But so far no bad days.  I am hoping this trend continues.  I am ready to be healthy again.  I want to be happy again.  I have gotten some seriously genuine support that I am very grateful for.  I feel like I am coming even further out of the fog that I had been in.  We are meeting great new people as I am finally willing to go out of my bubble.  I am even eating better and have gone down a full pants size.

I have also met, through forums I am part of or through this blog, so many others who are suffering from depression.  It has so many forms and the word, "depression" is so demonized that people are scared to admit they may have it.  It is hereditary.  It can be cause by any different situations. From what I understand, cutting oneself is a popular self harm for teens suffering from depression.  They are putting physical scars to match the one in their mind.  They refuse to seek help or are scared to seek help.  Cutting releases the anger/sadness/fear that they hold inside, or so they say.  I, personally, have never been so far down the rabbit hole that I believe harming myself was they only way to feel better.  It is saddening to read about or talk to these young girls and boys.

We can all sit at our computer and say, "That is wrong.  They shouldn't do that.  Life isn't that bad."  But we aren't living it.  Sure, some cut or act out to get attention.  There are plenty of youth and even adults that do not.  Much of the time they hide it so they don't hear people say the same words I just typed.  They don't want to be made to feel any worse.  We can show concern and be compassionate with being brash and angry.  Compassion can't reside in anger.  Concern should be shown by tearing another down.  You can be an ear for them to speak to.  You can find ways to help by finding support groups or information online.  Yelling, "YOU SHOULDN'T"T DO THAT!" doesn't help.  Threatening to tell parents or loved ones can only make it worse.  Try to understand that they are feeling EVERYTHING.  Understand that this is how they have learned to process it.  Is it unhealthy and could potentially lead to far more dangerous things?  YES!  But they need a gentle hand to help lift them up.  Not a hard stare and fear.

It you want to help someone who is suffering from any type of depression, lead with love.