This last week has been SO CRAZY! But in the best way. I gad a great weekend with family and friends. We went to a family members birthday on Saturday and had so much fun. It is always great to have friends with kids that our kids can play with. Even better if they are cousins. Even more so if there is good food there. We were lucky enough to have another babysitter for Saturday night. Ozzie surprised me by getting us a hotel room with a Jacuzzi. It was nice to not have to worry about cleaning, kids or pets. It was also nice to have just time with Ozzie and me. Nine years and counting.
A funny thing about us is that we talk about everything. He has access to my emails and facebook. I have access to his. We really don't have secrets from each other. It works for us because I often have to send things for work from his email and he doesn't remember passwords that well.
Sunday we had to do some work around the sheds. It was the best time to do so because the kids were gone and we didn't have to worry about them getting hurt. A good friend came over to help up out. After we moved some stuff we sat in the nice air conditioning and watched Wayne's World. I haven't watched that movie in so long. It was almost too painful to watch. "CHA!" Makes me cringe and laugh at the same time because I remember trying to talk like that.
I finally got my meds from the mail pharmacy. I think I mentioned how we were going to increase the amount of meds I was taking. I have only been taking this new amount for a few days. I am waiting to see how I feel once I am well rested. I have just been so busy.
My daughters therapies have been changed to be Monday. Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings. That is a lot of driving for someone who is used to being at home all the time. Plus getting the kids up earlier than they are used to. Not that that is a bad thing. They only have 21 days, as I am reminded by my son, until school starts. They will be catching the bus in the morning so they will have to start getting up earlier. We will have to move the bed time again, too.
Time is flying by so fast. Not dragging everyday. I guess I am getting better. I still can't wait until my appointment. I think I will learn a lot.
This next weekend we will be crazy busy as well. A birthday party and a wedding on the same day. Our washer broke last week and we got the part in to repair it just yesterday. Now that it is working again I have a lot of house work to catch up on. A house with children never stays clean.
Have a great week everyone!
Hi! I found your blog by accident but found your title interesting and read a few of your posts.
ReplyDeleteI like how you put in your title, "This is my diary of how I find myself again. Many mothers and fathers lose themselves in parenting. I am hoping to find Anne and help others find themselves." I used to be in your shoes and I too am one who is trying to help others find themselves. While I could write a novel as it took years to reach this point where I can finally say I'm happy (and med free) I will give you a few starting points, which, I am reading, it looks like you already have some of these figured out.
I'm glad you're writing this all down. It's good to write it all out too, the good, bad and the ugly. Embrace all that is you, even the worst parts of you, and soon you'll find that you're not so bad of a person as you thought.
Another thing is knowing your limits and your boundaries. Stand up for yourself and don't let anyone treat you like a doormat. No person or group is ever worth justifying lessening the light within you by treating you like your value is second to theirs.
You need to allow that you may be "lost" but that you are willing to be found and healed. That you're worth taking that time for yourself. You mentioned your husband saying you're not the same person as you were and I say that's a good thing! Don't go in reverse, move forward and rebuild to become the best person you WANT to be and know that you can be that person.
I read that your mom suffered with terrible depression. I know that depression is hereditary but that doesn't mean that you're doomed to depression by default. Like you said, you don't want to go through what she did and that you're trying to not do that to your children and that's awesome. Be a game changer, don't let the cycle continue. Show your kiddos that life is tough, but that you're a badass and you can be tougher than that.
I know you can do this. I know putting up a fight is rough and I know the low points of finding who you are and having no one who truly understands. All I had was God. I mean, I had my family and friends, but I knew no one would understand as my struggles were unique. So I leaned on God and pretty much said, "Well, I have fallen on my butt time and again trying to be what others would have me be. I'm giving myself to you and trusting you'll make me into who I am SUPPOSED to be." And while getting out that abyss was hard, I look back seeing His hand in it all and I know I could never have been this happy without Him shaping me into the person I am today.
Sorry for the novel of a comment. Just know that you are important and that every day is another day to try harder, even if the step is a small one.
I wish you the best.